Happy Anniversary! What?! You forgot?!

Yep. This internet version of Lucy’s psychiatric advice booth has been up for two years. It’s been two very fine years and all of my thanks go to you, our ever-growing digital dysfunctional family.*

Last year I spent a few articles giving this website a colonoscopy and inviting others to help. While I do find menace value in self assessment, I don’t want to waist your time. So here, in brief, are my top five articles of the year, from most highest to least high—and five articles which I think had something to offer, though they didn’t come together as well as I’d hoped.

I won’t bore you with the metric I used, except that I rated the articles on a blend of “gravitas,” “reader impact,” “gut” and how well I “uncovered” the literary relic—the spark of idea which Stephen King talks about in On Writing.

The Bomb-digitty

When Therapy Fails
Published on 15 September 2011

The old adage Write What You Know is true, but I find I often lean more to its journalistic counterpart Write What You Feel Strongly About. This article brings to light the very real “Failure to Adjust” label and how it impacts the therapist as well as the kid getting (what they see as) the boot. I don’t feel that deeming a kid to have failed to adjust is wrong or right. I have many feelings about it and all of them strong; that’s why this article works.

Punching Violence in the Face
Published on 09 March 2012

I could just say “see above” because this article, and each of these five, comes from a real place in my life, and not a pretty place. This article was borne of the desire to understand and address a pattern of acculturated violence that I fear is damaging a whole generation of inner-city youth.

It’s Not About Dying
Published on 28 July 2011

Randy Pausch began building this profound Power Point presentation shortly after a terminal cancer diagnosis. He unleashed it on the world shortly before the disease began to erode his energy. It’s funny, it’s heart warming, it’s heart wrenching, it’s wildly empowering, it’s not for you (or me), and it’s not about dying.

I am a Patient Boy…
Published on 20 April 2012

“…I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait. My time’s water down the drain. Everybody’s moving; please don’t leave me to remain.” Okay, so that’s just the context of the title within Fugazi’s Waiting Room. This article is another in which I come to grips with how much I relate to my patients; this time by how having my own treatment team has impacted my self—and world—view. Bonus Update: It’s six weeks later and I’m 44.2 pounds down. God Bless Abington Weight Management and HMR.

The Green Lantern vs. DHS
Published on 30 June 2011

DHS gets a bad wrap. Sometimes it’s justifiable because some DHS workers that I come into contact with are just plain lazy, disinterested and mentally succumbed to an impossible job. Sometimes the wrap is an unfair stigma because all DHS workers have the same impossible job, but some are dedicated, strong, positive people. I was blessed to work with one of those a few months after writing this article. My inspiration for this piece was forged in bitter frustration with how some of my patients were wronged by neglectful caseworkers and bent on a desire to understand why so many well meaning people became part of the problem. The answer is that DHS workers have huge caseloads. Not as big as one Green Lantern serving the whole solar system, but still outside the realm of human ability.

The Last- Picked-For-Kickball-But-Such-Nice-Guys

It is interesting to me that almost all of these articles are “idea pieces,” in that they are seeking to explore a concept rather that exhort a position or expose a situation. Hmm.

RIP Saturday Morning Cartoons
Published on 26 May 2011

 I had to include this one because it is the most responded-to piece on the website and still garners occasional feedback. Some of the responses are awesome and I urge you to read them, if just for a laugh or a “Hey, yeah!” I wrote this piece as a crotchety thirty-five year-old who was grumpy that things were better when I was a kid because back then we had Saturday Morning Cartoons and “…had to say dickity because the Kaiser stole our word for ‘twenty’!”**

The Operation Habit Challenge
Published on 13 January 2012

This article is proof that you can have interest and feedback on Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In, through your email and comment box and still it’s not worth $25 to exercise if you don’t want to do so already. The idea came from over hearing that “It takes 32 repetitions of something to build a habit” and desiring to test that theory. My execution of it in the form of a challenge was poor and—even with a second draft—garnered no takers. None the less, it is an interesting piece of study which gave me a reason to create graphs. Bonus Update: I still haven’t missed a day of exercise since.

Split Internet Hypothesis
Published on 01 September 2011

What if Twitter was more of the logical, task oriented left brain and Facebook was the abstract, social oriented right brain of the internet? I turned what may have been better as a tweet or FB update into an entire article. Still, it had some neat research backing it up.

For Love of Fear
Published on 31 October 2011

Why do we like fear? Because, I do, as in horror movies, writing and comics. And therefore, I still like this article even though it didn’t get as much interest as it deserves. Maybe Halloween themed articles just aren’t hip since my expose on Clown Fear didn’t tear up the interwebs either. I must note that giants in the field of art, like Chuck Regan or music like Christina Ward, only brought credibility and awesomeness to the article and they rule.

Jumping the Sharks of Life
Published on 15 July 2011

I can’t let go of this piece because I find it hilarious that the guy who wrote Fonzie’s “Jump the Shark” episode of Happy Days would seek to defend it with a (hopefully) tongue-in-cheek disdain for the mantle. Such other questions answered as: Where did the term “Jump the Shark” originate? What did that TV show writer do after Happy Days?  (Hint: He wrote more things you watched and liked) and How do I know if I’ve “Jumped the Shark” in my daily life?

And With That…

…we look on to more 2012 and a whole ‘nother anniversary ahead.

Hopefully this year has proven to be as enriching for you as it has been for the website and I. Your feedback has helped streamline the contact interface so completely that if you can’t find a way to reach me now than you probably also can’t fog a mirror with your breath. Your interest has birthed a page specifically to showcase my fiction writing, and I thank you for that. Finally, a most recent format change is reflected in the piece earlier in May. I pride myself in showing my data with hyperlinks. I will continue to do so but now in American Psychological Association style with in-text citation and endnotes. Why? Because I’m trained in it and needed to get over my grad school “Nyah-nyahs” about being graduated and never using it again. I write psychological work, I should put on my big-boy pants and write it in APA.

My last words are about you. Yes, you.

You who’ve emailed, used the comment box, sent me direct messages on Facebook, Twitter or Linked in seeking aid or sending thanks. It’s you who deserve all the thanks. To write something that impacts a life in something so broad as the internet is a humbling and heartening thing.

You who’ve clicked a Google ad link because of your interest in the advertised product or just to throw me a digital dime. Thank you. To write for pay is the writer way, but also I like that the advertisers which Google plugs into my site seem to be (mostly) worthy causes who deserve support.

And you, our silent majority. You’ve helped double readership this year to an average monthly readership between two and three hundred. Your voice is legion, but it is a voiceless legion. I dub this year the year to hear! There are so many ways to be heard on this site, so many open doors to join the discussion. Don’t ever think that your words aren’t valid because you don’t have some applicable degree (I’ve heard that). If you’re actively having issues and have found your way here seeking help on the net, then use one of the confidential contact options, but let yourself be heard. Because you all rock.

As it says on the front page, “You have a place here.” Thanks for making it a great one.

________________________________________________
*Stay tuned for an article on my belief that no family is actually dysfunctional.
** And thank you Grampa Simpson

“Surrender: to give oneself up into the power of another…or to give oneself
over to something (as an influence).”
-Miriam Webster’s Dictionary

I mentioned the concept of surrender in last month’s article on my decision to sign into a weight loss center. I began to chew on that concept, and re-realized how important to me the idea that true surrender takes strength and that it is the key to all kinds of awesomeness.

You don’t believe me already. There’s that hitch in your gut or your heart thinking Surrender is weak, Keith. You’re right, in one sphere—that of standing up for a cause that is righteous. Those causes which seek the greater good are few but powerful. This isn’t about that type of surrender. This is about surrender for the greater good of the self, by the self and for the self. You could call it letting go.

“Letting go,” according to Dr. Deonesea Fourtounas, “is characteristic of human nature…and an integral part of life….The dialectic of holding on and letting go is the dialectic of life and death.” (Fourtounas, 2003) That’s not an understatement. People are living conflict and breathing contradiction. We obsess over what we hate, we crave what is killing us and we abhor things that can heal us. We seek to control that which is uncontrollable and grow to have no control over that which we truly can change; Most often because that change requires the initial aid of others and the admission that we have lost control.  

Admitting that we have no control runs so counter to traditional American culture and values that it might be considered treason. We were all raised—by degrees—to seek, attain and keep control of many things that we truly have no control over. Control is the flip-side of surrender, and a topic William Berry, psychotherapist and professor at Florida International and Nova Southeastern Universities has great experience with. “The use of control is paradoxical,” he says, “We believe taking control will bring us security and happiness, yet its overuse causes unhappiness, anxiety, and malaise. In the treatment of clients with addiction problems, depression, marital issues, anxiety, and anger issues a common thread is control.” (Berry, 2011) 

The Sphere’s of Surrender

“The second noble truth of Buddhism states desire is the root of all suffering.
It means…when one attempts to control life,
 to exclude everything they do not like, then suffering occurs.”
-Pr. William Berry, Psychotherapist

“Life is a casting off” was said in Author Miller’s Death of a Salesman and it contorts my mouth into a sour lemon snarl every time I read it. Such a bleak play that you might as well call it Debbie Downer Does Death. It’s the 1940s version of Requiem for a Dream and it puts much of America’s negative, hopeless perspective on surrender into context.

While loss is never fun, it has the potential to be survived and have a value all its own. Today we’re all about that value. I could argue points and get all clinical, but instead I’m simply going to offer an itemized list of all the situations that I can think of in which surrender is key to awesomeness. Please feel free to add more in the comment section below.

 The impact of surrender can be seen through the spheres of personal situations, social situations and existential states. See if you agree.

Personal Situations 

Therapy – I’m very cognizant of the fact that when a person sits down in front of me, if they are planning to work, it is because they’ve come to grips with their own issue of control and are placing some of that fragile power in my hands. It is humbling and scary, but ultimately profound because two heads can change one life, if that life is surrendered to the idea of change.

Parenthood – Do I even need to speak on this? Terror lurks in the heart of every good parent who gazes at their newborn with love. Simply bringing a life into the world is surrendering part of your soul to their every need, your heart to ache like theirs and your mind to an armada of irrational worry.

Childhood – An awesome child is one who can enjoy being a kid and having their decision making surrendered to the big, annoying folk who love the word “no.”

Medical Procedures – None of us can operate on ourselves, or should. Long before we’re unconscious on an operating table or having chemo pumped into us, or taking a pill with an unpronounceable name, we’re surrendering to another person and to a diagnosis. But, with surrender, we get the awesome chance to heal. 

Faith – “According to studies about happiness, people who consider themselves religious or spiritual suffer less drug abuse, suicide, and an overall higher rating of well-being… Faith cannot be minimized.” (Berry, 2011) Faith is surrender, and it’s truly awesome. Thank God for God.

Addiction Recovery – People become substance dependent because they want to control a negative feeling, but not surrender their life to change. “Eventually, the person comes to rely on the substance; then the substance dictates the mood…Part of the core of addiction is a desire to control one’s state through inappropriate means.” (Berry, 2011) However, once that life is surrendered to change, or the self is surrendered to the idea that sometimes it’s okay to not like the world or how we feel, awesomeness will ensue.

Social Situations

Love – I annoy my wife by saying “love is a verb not a noun.” Love is active and that first action is when you go from Oh, crap. I’m in love. To I’m jumping anyway, even though you will hurt me, are imperfect and do all those annoying things like saying “love is a verb.”  Interestingly, the more you surrender in a balanced way (see below) the more awesome it gets. Which brings us to…

Marriage – I truly believe that marriage is not about being happy. Marriage is about learning to be a better person by living through the eyes of the person who you acknowledged has the ability to see your good and your bad and love you anyway. Marriage is not about changing your spouse. Marriage is about listening to your spouse with your grown-up ears, surrendering your selfishness, and choosing to be a better person because it’s awesome. Marital conflict “is the result of wanting to have your way in the situation and not getting it.” (Berry, 2011) A surrendered, awesome marriage is wanting to be the best person for yourself and your spouse and wanting to make the best decisions for your marriage, not have your way. That’s hard-hard-hard to do, but impossible without surrender.

Existential States

Theme Parks – “Theme Parks are an existential state?” Yes. Just go with it. From roller coasters to the serene carrousel, we find true enjoyment in surrendering our welfare to a machine and the carney that pilots it. We just try to not think too hard about the carney.

Traffic – “This scenario is a common frustration,” says Berry “The situation is out of personal control. Switching lanes, trying to cut in front of others, or leaving the highway and trying an alternate route, are exercises in control. However, this can lead to further frustration when efforts are ineffectual and control is again thwarted. The inability to control the situation leads to the feeling of frustration and anger.” (2011) Look. No amount of surrender will make traffic awesome. But, surrender to the idea that there will be traffic may help you to plan out your radio station surfing or CD shuffle or buy a book on tape to make the situation less sucky.

Grief and Loss – Like traffic, no amount of surrender can make loss awesome. But a collaborative study published in Psycho-Oncology “found that goal reengagement (being able to set new goals)” after being diagnosed with breast cancer, and finding new ways to live your life instead of holding on to old things “was associated with more physical activity, increased emotional well-being and fewer physical symptoms…which contributed to an improved well-being.” (Wrosch and Sabiston, 2012) Letting go lets you live better.

Worry –  “Worry…becomes an attempt to control, or a wish to control, what is uncontrollable.” (Berry, 2011) Controlling only what you really can, then surrendering yourself to the uncontrollable, will lead to awesomeness.  

Art – Be it writing, fine art, music or some other form of beauty building, the creative process is surrender at its most awesome.

The Balance 

“Mommy’s all right, Daddy’s all right; They just seem a little weird.
Surrender. Surrender, but don’t give yourself away…”
-Cheap Trick, Surrender

Thus armed with this list of the awesome benefits of surrender, you now seek to surrender to everything. Wait, grasshopper and heed the words of sage Cheap Trick (above—or click the link and hear the whole song, complete with a quintuple guitar).

While it is true that through surrender “…a person can reduce the distress that arises from the desire to attain the unattainable, while continuing to derive a sense of purpose in life by finding other pursuits of value,” there must be balance in life. (Wrosch and Sabiston, 2012). We must always remember that the goal of surrender is positive growth. As a child we surrendered to our parents more responsible rules, as teenagers we surrendered (by degrees) to our burgeoning individuality, as young adults we surrendered our childish views of the world, as adults we surrender our selfishness to our kids and our spouses, and with some of us, we surrender our faith to our God. But, as Cheap Trick says, “don’t give yourself away.”

Surrender that is positive growth leads to awesomeness. Surrender that is simply abandon only leads to abandon. Surrender must always retain the sense of self. In that discipline of retaining self while remaining selfless we find the true strength of surrender.

 __________________________________

Berry, W. (2011, June 6). Let Go, Be Happy: Attempting to inappropriately control events brings unhappiness. Psychology Today Online Retrieved April 28, 2012 from [click author for link]

Fourounas, D. (2003) The Experience of Letting Go: A Phenomenological Study. University of Pretoria etd. Retrieved April 30, 2012 from [click author for link]

Wrosch, C. and Sabiston, C. (2012, April 23) Letting Go Can Boost Quality of Life. Psycho-Oncology via McGill Newsroom. Joint Study by Concordia University’s Department of Psychology and Centre for Research in Human Development and of McGill’s Department of Kinesiology and Physical Education and the Health Behaviour and Emotion Lab. Retrieved April 30, 2012 from [click author for link]

This article features a reference to Fugazi. This is Fugazi.

The words, innocuous—even inviting—leapt off the page and hit me like a viper’s nest in the face. “Meet the Treatment Team,” it read. The paper had been photocopied so many times that the edges of letters were worn and blurred, like windblown hieroglyphics. They set off a Bobby Brady firework explosion in my brain, none-the-less.

I had a Treatment Team. Me.

I’m on a Treatment Team at the Residential Treatment Facility (Y’all would call it a mental hospital—we call it a behavioral health hospital. I’ve seen mental hospitals. Ours is much prettier.). I know what it means, from the other side of that “Meet the Treatment Team” paper. If you’re reading ours, it means something in your life has become unmanageable, or you have, and now you need our help. We don’t look down on anyone, if anything; we look up to them for their forthright desire to deal with their lives.

Thanks to my recent decision, I now know what it feels like to have a Treatment Team. You’ll find out why I have one in a bit. First let’s talk about my feelings. 

Failure IS an Option

“Oh, boy.”
-Sam Beckett, Quantum Leap

Don’t let my hyperbole fool you; I am quite glad, and proud that I have a Treatment Team. I know it took a long road of positive decisions to get to this point.  

Still, my first thought was “Oh, crap. I’ve really let things get bad. Real bad. Medical bad.” I have 6 brilliant people on my team. At that time their brilliance didn’t matter; I felt like an irresponsible idiot. They have a long track record of huge successes. Their successes didn’t matter; I felt like a failure. They have documented evidence that they know the path I should walk and will teach me how to walk it. Fine, whatever. At that moment I was afraid that I couldn’t walk it.

 I felt like a “patient.” I am a patient. And I’m growing to be a proud patient. Shrinking, actually. Two weeks ago I checked myself into the medically supervised weight loss program at Abington Weight Management Center. My endocrinologist is one of the head MDs there and it was at his suggestion. He’s been gently suggesting many diet changes over the past two years. He’s listened to my frustrations with weight loss, tailored my insulin regimen, and been patient, himself. Finally, at my most recent quarterly check-in he said, “You’re seven pounds up. Wanna talk about what happened there?” 

Pride and Prejudice

 “That’s just pride *#@king with you.”
-Marcellus Wallace, Pulp Fiction

I had told him the story over two years. I’ll tell it to you in two sentences: I’ve always been over-weight, and always struggled with it, except the times when I just gave up. I’d been learning a lot about myself, my unhealthy habits and making tiny changes doing Weight Watchers for four years but the weight had not been consistently coming off. So, I finally said “I’ll try anything” and the doc said I should come to an information session.

The process of letting go, of Asking For Help, of being willing to try anything, of admitting I was powerless to stop myself alone, took either four years or my entire life. But, suddenly there I was. When I was asked which diet I wanted, I chose their Decision-Free Diet. “I don’t have confidence in my decision-making yet,” I said.

It turns out that had been a great decision.

That’s how it happens for my patients, too. One good decision, then another, then another. But that happening starts when all their decisions are given up. No more outside world, not for a bit. No more total freedom. I can come and go as I please, but right now I’ve given someone else control over what I put in my mouth.

For me, the biggest barrier to doing so sooner was pride. I always wanted to claim, even if only to myself, that “I don’t need a weight management center, I can do it alone.” I had Weight Watchers to go to, and their program is great. It is. I hope to go back to Weight Watchers in my maintenance phase. But first I needed to admit I had a problem and allow a complete emotional, mental and behavioral purge from which to start over.

I can’t help but think my patients seek the same thing, and may share my pride barrier. Or, to be candid; my prejudice. I wanted to feel like “one of the strong!” That may mean that I first looked at those in programs as weaker. Which would mean then, that I had to re-learn something which I first learned when I became a Christian; A weak person is actually unable to turn over control of their lives to another—be they God or doctor. Only a truly strong person has the power to do so. Even if they don’t feel it at the time. 

My Report Card

“I’m learnd-ing!”
-Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons

I may do another article like this, but for now, here are some things that I’ve taken from this brief phase of my very long journey.

Pride, once overcome, comes back double. I have new things to be proud of which are not based in prejudice, like sticking to the program totally for going on three weeks. Also, weekly meetings with my Endocrinologist are tailoring my insulin regimen in new, crucial ways. I can’t overlook being 22.4 pounds down so far. That’s the cat’s meow.

We should always think in terms of “Do fun stuff” not just “Eat tasty things.” I had to come to grips with the fact that food was my major dopamine dump and I triggered that button all the time. I’ve begun to seek out the pleasure stimuli from outside the kitchen and there’s a whole world of fun that doesn’t come in a crinkly bag.

We all deserve breaks. This is a break for me from the oppression of my issue with food. I’m gaining new strength in the fight. We all deserve the opportunity to be free of our issue and have a team help us solve it.

It’s not over. I’ve learned this lesson in new ways throughout my life. We never need to stay where we are, how we are—even who we are—if it’s hurting us. The fight against my weight will always be a part of me. In fact, my very first post on the internet of my very first blog, Synapse Crackle, Pop Culture (cringe!) was on my fight against my gut. But, just because the fight is forever, doesn’t mean I’ve lost or that I need to fight it the same old way. It’s never over.

“Think of a Paradigm Shift as a change from one way of thinking to another.
It’s a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis.
It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change.”
-TakeTheLeap.com

In therapy one of the hardest things to do is help someone shake out of their perspective on life, broaden it or change it. This paradigm shift, or worldview change, is equally difficult to achieve in our day-to-day lives. Sometimes it happens accidentally; sometimes it happens as a trauma. Sometimes people set out seeking a change in perspective. Once that shift is achieved, the naturally following question is “what do I do now?”

I’ve had my life changed through engaging with the clients that I work with, and it’s given me a passion to continue. I strive to offer that same change to those clients whose own view of the world, or their lives, can foster some very negative cycles. My own change is a small one.

I spoke with Jessica Vale about her current documentary project SmallSmall Thing (click for trailer) because it not only has worldview conflict as a theme, but Jessica knows first hand what happens when your perspective on life broadens. SmallSmall Thing tells the story of a 12 year old Liberian girl, her mother and their struggle between competing worldviews of traditional Witchcraft and Western medical perspectives surrounding Olivia’s illness, which may have been caused by rape. Jessica’s story is one of letting go of “selfishness” and embracing the responsibility of her own gift when faced with the story of a larger world.

* * *

Please describe your worldview or life perspective before the project.

The first word that comes to mind is curiosity. My entire life I have sought new experiences, and felt traveling gave me a better understanding of myself and my own life. It started out very selfish, as pure desire for novelty and adventure. I still have the adventurous side, but behind it is experience and understanding. I realize that not too many people are willing to go where I am, and learn about the things I do. Liberia, North Korea, Serbia, Bosnia, these are places I chose to go on my own.

What were the changes to your worldview now and what experiences brought them on?

The side effect, for better or worse, comes when you spend time with the people in these places. You learn their stories, and you see things from a new perspective. When this began happening I realized I needed to combine my film career with the drive for adventure and curiosity. Making documentaries was natural. But with it comes a lot of responsibility. 

What, exactly, do you see as your responsibility?

To do justice to the stories. The people in my films have agreed to tell me very intimate details about their lives. As someone who as also worked in reality television, I see what can happen when there’s zero concern or regard for the people on camera. People’s lives can be ruined. But people’s lives can also be changed for the better. It’s up to us to present it right.

…and you are bringing light to a topic that needs it—as Global Voices and others have said there is a “rape epidemic” in places like the Congo and Liberia, which can cause the same medical issues Olivia experiences. What about you had to change, evolve or grow to make the shift from selfish to documentarian?

It’s a huge undertaking to make a documentary. I’ve done 2 feature length [films] now, each one equally as complicated and soul consuming. I just had to make the decision to undertake the work. Traveling and seeing the world is as simple as getting on a plane. Making a film is years of your life, and very expensive.

The decision came as a result of realizing I could do it, and that few people can or will. How many non-doctors will go to Liberia and spend weeks in an operating room? How many people will go there and interview accused rapists in a prison? Not many. I decided my natural curiosity could be put to some good use!

You went to Liberia to make a different movie, then found this–much more compelling–one. What did you take away from that experience?

I can’t say the first one wasn’t compelling, it certainly was! And I still have hopes it will be finished one day. But it did prove that good situations can be made from seemingly bad ones. I might not have spent so much time getting to know Olivia and her mother if I was shooting the original film. I certainly wouldn’t have had time to visit Monrovia Central Prison, or the Temple of Justice like we did that trip.

Did the vision end up as you pictured it?

Werner Herzog has a quote that I love: “Your film is like your children. It will live its own life and have its own character. To suppress that is dangerous.” The best I can say is that the story didn’t go how I thought it would. The ending was a total surprise! That’s the beauty of documentary; you can only predict it to an extent.

The concepts of Liberia and Witchcraft have an influence on how Liberians view health and mental illness, did you experience that conflicted worldview as it sounds like Olivia and her mother did?

This question could get very deep and complicated! The main conflict surrounding the entire ordeal is that of “truth;” How people define truth, and if truth needs to relate to facts.  It’s a core conflict in the film; Traditional/Bush society vs. Western/Modern society.

Olivia and her mom come from a culture of animist belief. They can’t read or write, and their practices have been in place long before Liberia was colonized by freed American slaves. They blame Olivia’s condition on witchcraft despite doctors saying it was rape. 

“Witchcraft” is the way to explain negative situations, and Olivia’s mom had no reason to think otherwise. The tribal elders call the shots, and it’s your duty to obey. I have since seen countless people try and explain the “rape led to the fistula” trail of evidence to her, but it’s speaking another language. Tell her Olivia had a curse put on her, and it makes perfect sense.

I have the same problem trying to explain this to people who have no concept of bush society or tribal belief systems. They say “No, Olivia’s mom was just in denial!” But she’s not. She has no reason to believe the word of surgeons, but a lot of reason to believe village elders.

A family struggling with possible PTSD and/or the secret or the conflict of an inter-family rape, is something that I have experience with as a therapist. What was it like for you to come so close to such a trauma as art involves internalization of your subject? 

As a filmmaker I am coming at it from a different angle than a therapist. My job is to tell a story, so getting as many perspectives as possible is necessary, including that of the family who shunned Olivia and her mom. The village says she was lying, and there can be a horrific knee jerk reaction to that.  The sad fact is that, for them, it’s actually in their best interest NOT to believe Olivia, who accuses her cousin of the rape, for the sake of the tribe’s success and harmony. You could make that unfortunate claim in the US too, but there it can literally come down to your survival. Your village shuns you, you don’t eat. You accuse a family member of an unseen crime; they may just kill you rather than create rifts in the village unity.

To be blunt, this is a movie influenced by the prevalence rape in Liberia and you and Nika are attractive white girls. What were your feelings about your own risk?

I get asked that a lot. The first trip was rough. It was 2007 and we actually had 3 armed presidential security agents 24/7 and never left the hospital compound. As years passed, it felt much safer, partly because electricity started to become available again. We had security every time regardless. The last time was Louis, an under cover cop who ends up being a major character in Smallsmall Thing.

I have to add though; the worst man of all was actually this UN soldier from Serbia. He thought it was hilarious to tell Nika and I about how in the bush secret societies prefer young white girls as sacrifices. Then he’d laugh at himself. What a jerk.

The picture of the women gathered around your Mac is striking. Did you create any cultural impact yourself, bringing technology and American ideals–especially one as voyeuristic in search of truth as documentary–to a culture that I’ve found can be entrenched in familial and societal secret-keeping? Did your presence cause eye-opening or conflict?

I don’t feel my presence caused much notice generally speaking. Our crew was tiny, and it had to be. We were always shooting very intimate stories. I think most people just want someone to hear them, and they like knowing their story can be told to the world. Most of the Liberians we spoke to have no one else that cares. Monrovia may be recovering from war, but it was one of the most modern cities in Africa prior. The hospital was different because we became friends with those women. We would go every day and just hang out, no cameras turned on. Olivia liked taking photos around the hospital so they would gather at my laptop to see them. 

We were more of a curiosity deep in the jungle, sure. But even there they get missionaries, so they always assume that’s our purpose. Once we explain ourselves, they are very receptive and excited that we are interested in their culture. Liberia is literally overflowing with people trying to force values on others. Missionaries, rebel factions, governments, NGOs, International Corporations…the last thing they need is me spreading my opinion!

One of the keys of successful therapy is to “meet a person where they are.” That can be difficult in situations like this, when the Western perspective differs so greatly. How do you get the villagers to engage with an alternate point of view without condescension or pressure?

I would never tell a villager that I agreed or disagreed with the situation. They would have shut us out. We’d ask them “Do you think it’s possible Olivia’s injuries could be caused by rape?” “If not rape, what else could be an explanation?” “What reason would Olivia’s mom have to lie?”

Olivia’s mom had already caused major trouble by pressing charges against the cousin. The village was completely divided. I just wanted hear everyone’s version of the story. We push them to answer questions, but we don’t antagonize them about the answers. Louis, our undercover cop, did try and champion reconciliation, but still avoided directly criticizing their beliefs.

Thank you for sharing with us how your worldview has changed, and how you put it into action. I’m sure many of your viewers will have their worldview widened by watching SmallSmall Thing. Maybe some would like to take action as well. Without focusing on cultural criticism or judgment, what would be the first step in helping girls like Olivia worldwide?

I think the first step in helping these little girls is teaching them when they are *still young* that rape is wrong. Then to get help immediately after they are raped. Most of them wait too long and then there’s no evidence. At that point it’s purely “he said, she said.” And that’s how these situations get out of control.

 * * *

If you do want to get involved, in even a small way, please go to the Kickstarter page of SmallSmall Thing and donate or watch the trailer. The deadline is this Sunday, April 8^th.

If you cannot donate but still wish to help tell Olivia’s story, just click on one of the advertising links that interest you here at KeithKarabin.com. That triggers the Google ads counter with drops a shiny internet nickel into the coffers here. Not only will I be making a personal donation, but I will also be donating all the advertising nickels that our fine readers click out.

“Money is a major source of stress on people, and what tax season does is shine a great big spotlight on the issue.”
-Michael McKee, Clinic psychologist, president of
U.S. International Stress Management Association

I’m not even going to say what time of year it is. You know. I know. He, she or it knows. If you’re like me you are in the hunter-gatherer phase of tax preparation; You’ve downloaded your list, checked off the stuff you found in the box/bag/pile in which you were so good at tossing tax-related papers for the first six months of 2011 and now have waded into the final scavenger hunt of documentation.

Next comes the actual doing of the taxes, unless you are one of the many who have them prepared. USA Today said that people who have their taxes done are in the majority, but that the number of people doing their own taxes is rising.

That also means tax related stress is rising. Therefore, I offer another tax preparation list; a Personal Health Tax Preparation List. Feel free to peruse the buffet of items and interventions, gather them like your IRA statements and child care receipts, and have them at the ready when you sit down to crunch your data. Be prepared to do the impossible: make Tax Time a more pleasant experience.

Sanity Sustenance

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
-Dr. Carl G. Jung

Eating The Elephant: If you feel overwhelmed by the sheer size of the undertaking try to prepare in short (one hour or less depending on stress level) increments with small, achievable goals. Meet the goal and directly after have a reward waiting for yourself.

A Stitch in Time Saves You From Killing the Family: Rather than scrambling like mad trying to remember where you put that Energy Star Dryer receipt, keep a box for anything you know you want to deduct throughout the year, then, when the tax season hits, you can already feel prepared.

See the Sanity You Want to be: Visually representing the entire process from preparation to printing your finished returns will help instill a feeling of mastery even before you begin, help you see the holes before you step in them and provide a way to note your progress by checking things off. Any type of a schedule, chart or calendar will do.

Heart Healing

“We are very complex. There is more than just physical aspect to our health.
(Healing) is also emotional, mental and spiritual.”
-Dr. Lorie DeCarvalho

No More Tax Trauma: Calming music, aromatherapy candles or incense have been shown to lower stress. When I was a crass young man I laughed at this “New Agey Stuff.” Now I’m a crass young man who works with some of the most gifted trauma therapists I have the pleasure of knowing. Calming music and scents are a great way of soothing a setting for a therapy session. Why not do it at tax time?

I’ll Never Make it; Save Yourself!  If you’re a person who sees doing the taxes as going “into the breach” never to return again; Reviewing last year’s return, if you received a tax return, is a great way to affirm last years’ success and remind yourself of the, hopefully, big cash reward at the end. Perhaps tape it to your desk to remind you as you work.

Back off Man, I’m a Scientist: Remember the chart of things you can check off, or doing the taxes in small portions? Well, we should be rewarded by something after those milestones. Why not chocolate? Scientists say that a solid—yes, small—piece of dark chocolate is packed with great stuff to help you keep going while it pleases in the moment.

Body Booster

“A healthy body is the best container for a healthy mind.
A healthy heart is the temple of God.”
-Guru Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Help, I’m Turning Into a Slug: You sit down to do the taxes, just like every year. You’re still sitting there five hours later, just like every year. You fear that you may need to go back and redo the section on being handicapped since you lost feeling in your lower limbs hours ago. Why? A 10 to 15 minute aerobic routine can act as a reward, get the mind and body flowing again and get you the heck away from the taxes for a short time.

(Not) Light as a Feather, Stiff as a ‘Borg: Taxes lead to stress, stress leads to tension, and tension leads to the Dark Side. Thus, you end up going “Whuup-perh” at your computer, just like Darth Vader, stiff as a cyborg. Instead, get a massage. Really. The good people at Hydromassage are offering free hydromassages at their stores nationwide from now until April 16th. Another option is using a massage chair. They lay right over regular chairs and have all sorts of features. You can get a great one for $70-$150. Spend part of that tax return early and be massaged through the whole process.

 Yo, go: Can’t make yourself stop doing the taxes to do cardio? Massage too passive for you? Set a deadline for each tax-doing segment by signing up for a yoga class, then working until you need to get ready to leave the house. It’s an in-built reward, timer, recharger and relaxer all in one.

A Tip for the Pros

There is one tip which works for your mind, heart and body at the same time. It’s a tip for my pros out there, no matter if you’re a professional personal tax doer or a procrastinator.

On Your Marks, Get Set: If you haven’t started your tax return, start now. You will solve nothing by worry, fear, dread or postponement. But, you can take some of these tips and feel better the moment you get the process going. Make a chart, start filling your document box, go make an appointment for a massage, a yoga class or go buy some dark chocolate.

Tax time is rarely fun, but some of these preparations will make it more enjoyable and nothing is more fun than saying, “My taxes? Oh, they’re done.”

He was able to deliver four hammering punches to his unsuspecting peer before I could get between them and escort him back to the staff office. We had been discussing his unwillingness to curb his unruly behavior right before he methodically walked out of the office into the community and silently began his assault. I had expected to continue the discussion with newfound intensity when we returned. However, he looked at me with vacant, dead eyes and calmly asked “Can I get my 9 to 12 now?”

That incident was many years ago, but it sticks with me as a lesson in functional, problem solving violence. The “9 to 12” he asked for was 9 to 12 months in a state level secure detention center, something that his judge and probation officer had been threatening. This young man had made a conscious plan to not only to achieve the end of leaving the facility, but to assault a peer who he had long been jealous of, to get there. To his thinking, this was not only acceptable, but justifiable and in some circles that run counter to mainstream society, it was even honorable.

My young patient was far from alone in his worldview. According to a study in Minerva Pediatrics titled “Exposure to violence and victimization and the use of violence by adolescents in the United States,” violence and “firearm injuries are the second leading cause of death among Americans age 15 to 24 and the third leading cause of death among 10- to 14-year-old children.”

We look at that figure and many of us our shocked. The kids who are most impacted by such statistics are not shocked. They aren’t quite apathetic either. To them those statistics are similar to ones on the common cold. Violent death is an unfortunate part of every day life. Memorial block parties and commemorative T-shirts have become woven into the framework of urban culture as a means of accepting losses that happen all too often. “Although there are many factors associated with the use of violence by youths,” the study continues, “exposure to violence and victimization has consistently been a predictor of the use of violence, as well as intentions to use violence [and] attitudes accepting of the use of violence and aggressive behavior to resolve conflict.”

Which brings us back to my young patient; towering over me, though he was still too young to drive, new braces on his teeth and fresh bruises on his knuckles. The judge sent him to our facility to fix that behavior. But one can not successfully fix a behavior without mitigation or adaptation of the thinking behind it. If that thinking is born of a lifetime of acculturation in a society that endorses such practices, how lengthy does that process of thought change become, and how do we change it at its core in the individual without changing their culture?

In simplest terms, I’m currently wrestling with how to modify a residential treatment program to target and alter accepted cultural norms toward violence. I ask this because I’m seeing it more often, and seeing the damage which it wreaks on other patients’ therapeutic progress as well as the chances of success for those who have been so acculturated to violence that it has become part of their core identity. 

We Fight, Therefore We Are

Violent American culture exists and is growing. According to a World Health Organization Report on changing the attitude of cultural violence, many communites—most often urban—believe that “violence is an acceptable way of resolving conflict” and a study in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry found that “…exposure to violence…was related to adolescents’ internalizing symptoms and externalizing behavior 2 years later…[and these] high levels of violence exposure for urban youths indicate links to a range of psychiatric symptoms and indicators of poor adjustment.”

“Cultural acceptance of violence, either as a normal method of resolving conflict or as a usual part of rearing a child,” the WHO report continues, “is a risk factor for all types of interpersonal violence…social tolerance of violent behavior is likely learned in childhood, through the use of corporal punishment or witnessing violence in the family, in the media or in other settings.” Such stories of accepted violence fill my days. Sometimes they’re told to me with bravado. Sometimes with indignation at their parents. Sometime—when quiet and alone—with tears.

When we think about the “how” of all this, we need to focus on the norms of the culture. We all have norms and I think the scales were removed from my suburban eyes when I realized the norms which I grew up with were quite different than those of most of my patients, who come from an inner city, though we are both Americans. It was so foolish for me to think that “American Culture” united us. I’ve had my eyes opened to the reality that your “culture” is usually made within close proximity to your home. Population density further shrinks the size of your impacting culture. In rural America, your culture may be re-enforced by a small town. In urban America your culture is sometimes only as small as your block or your street.

The WHO report declares that teens learn their street culture because “individuals are discouraged from violating norms by the threat of social disapproval or punishment and feelings of guilt and shame that result from the internalization of norms.” And they’re right. But don’t think of it like that. Think of it like this: Your street is the boss. Those crack heads over on Yancy street be doin’ crazy stuff; we don’t do that here. You see any of those Yancy crack heads on this block, you mess them up, boy.

That is the kind of norm we’re talking about.

Not only does this norm exist because it is enforced by those within the culture, it is also re-enforced by an inherently adversarial environment. A UK study on youth and crime noted that youths who grow up in “marginalized communities which suffer a high degree of social exclusion” are more apt to internalize criminal behavior because it promotes a clear understanding of who are the good guys and the bad. That makes sense in light of violence because you can’t be in fear of violence from all fronts if you are to survive.  

Cultural Transmission/Differential Associations Theory states that “all behavior is learned; therefore deviant behavior is also learned.” We in the mental health field, wrestling with the violent which many of our patients come through our doors endorsing, would call that behavior deviant. In their eyes we would be the deviants. However, we can still see that Cultural Transmission Theory provides the last key to the “how.” It “predicts that the younger the learner is, in an intense relationship with the deviant teacher, and the more contacts with significant others who are deviant, then the greater the likelihood the learner will also be deviant.”

What can learned can be unlearned. I wouldn’t be in this profession if I didn’t believe that. The JAACAP Study concludes that “such findings [about acculturated violence] carry implications for direct clinical work with young people, as well as for program development and public policy” and WHO asserts that “interventions that challenge cultural and social norms supportive of violence can help reduce and prevent violent behavior.” The onus is on we, the mental health provider, to provide the reason, tools and environment where that reduction is possible.  

A HAVEN From Violence

It always ends with a model, doesn’t it?

This is a model-in-progress, though. I’d love input and feedback. I’m calling it the HAVEN model for Decreasing Acculturated Violence*, because I’m pompous and I have a thing for acronyms. Each letter impacts an aspect of how violence is acculturated or attempts to mitigate an attitude which fosters the norm. Right now I have a handle on the ideal, I’m still noodling with how it would look on a practical level.

Health – In my experience, teens who have grown up in violent culture have an aversion to the term “Mental Health,” but their lifestyle brings with it all manner of mental, emotional and physical unhealthiness. Often, issues such as loud, rapid or pressured speech, as well as weight abnormalities can have anxiety or trauma as a large part of their cause. Once a kid can see and feel the health benifits of a behavior change they are more apt to endorse it.

Acceptance – The UK Study found that, not only are these norms enforced with an “us against them” mentality but that “in contemporary discourses around criminal justice it is apparent that the voices of marginalized youth are often sidelined and ignored. As program directors, staff and therapist we must realize that we are the “them” to our patients, especially when they are acculturated to divide all whom they come in contact with along these lines. Then we show our patients how we are similar and how we relate (which impacts our attitude on disclosure of self) while also showing them that we will give them a voice and attention that they don’t expect us to offer. I’d even go a step further and say that the treatment community would be indoctrinated as the new “us” and the violent culture the new “them” but that has a potential negative impact for patients who will be discharging back to the violence, so it merits more consideration.

Vision – We share our simple vision of a non-violent treatment community and its benefits in the intake literature, even before they come through our doors. Then we help our patients make it theirs. The WHO report talked about an American “anti-violence intervention called Resolve It, Solve It. It consisted of a community media campaign for youths from small towns, led by high-school students who served as peer models. Students helped develop campaign media such as professionally printed materials and radio and television advertisements with three key themes: respect for individual differences, conflict resolution and prevention of bullying.” The results were mixed but the message was clear.

Education – Employing “the social norms approach to health promotion” which “assumes that people have mistaken perceptions of the attitudes and behavior of others. Prevalence of risky behavior is usually overestimated, while protective behaviors are normally underestimated” we can progressively re-educate our treatment population. “The social norms approach seeks to correct these misperceptions by giving people a more realistic sense of actual behavioral norms, thereby reducing risky behavior.”  As norms are socially learned and re-enforced, Group Therapy and psychoeducational lectures which are based around the shared vision are designed to aid this process.

Normalization – Throughout this entire process we normalize their change. We empathize with the extreme effort it takes to see the world differently, tolerating missteps and most of all demonstrating why it is best that they may act like knuckle heads on Yancy street, but here in therapy we’re about better things.

We don’t do that here. If more kids return to their violent communities having internalized the power of that vision and seeking it for themselves, their friends and their families, the day will come when the norm shifts toward healing.

________________________________________
*The HAVEN model for Decreasing Acculturated Violence is copyright material, just like all articles on the site. I welcome feedback and will credit all insight which helps shape the model, but if you seek to use it, please email me for permission first. Just click the “Contact and Subscribe”  button.

“When my work space, or my living space, is cluttered, my mind is cluttered.

Man, check out that spot! A White board with a week-day grid, a three-compartment hanging organizer which doubles as a magnet board and a wee corkboard underneath! I see three different colors of dry erase markers goin’ on! Who is this organizational superstar?

Okay, of course, he’s me.

That’s my little organization station. I hung it a few weeks ago, directly to my right, next to my desk in our upstairs library. I’ve wanted to organize my mornings for a long time and I finally did. My main reason was that my morning writing time is usually one hour or less, so it needed to be more focused. It became so, instantly. However, I put off organizing for at least months, maybe a year or two since I had the first impulse.

That “putting off time” intrigued me. Why? Why did I wait so long? As is my penchant, I did research, and I found that not many people talk about the question of why we don’t organize. Well, that sounded like a job for me. I’ll give you some reasons why to organize and some ideas on how, but we’ll also look at the people like myself, the quietly disorganized throng, and the thinking which goes on in our clutter-loving minds.

Organization Motivation

“My home is my living and my work space (freelancer).
Working on a project is always more pleasurable when not accompanied
by the uncertainty and stress that comes along with untidy and messy spaces.”
- Anonymous Organization Convert

“An organized life begins with an attitude,” according to nationally syndicated finance columnist and journalist Janet Bigham Bernstel (and Stephen Windhaus) in their Ten Minute Guide to Getting Organized. “That attitude is commonly characterized by self-confidence, which results in self-control.” I like the concept that organization begins and ends with the inner-state of the organizer because it jives with the idea that our thinking is the largest reason most of us don’t organize.

Bernstel and Windhaus assert that, no matter what you’re thinking about your life, your abilities, or “whether you’re aware of it or not, you want greater control of your life. Therefore, you must examine your level of self-confidence, recognize and nurture the characteristics of organization, and experience the positive merits that result from that effort.”

Elaine Shannon is a “leading expert in de-cluttering time and space issues for business owners, individuals and families across the globe.” She is co-host of a de-cluttering TV show and has written many articles on how (and why) to find your inner-organizer. Shannon also offers testimonials from Anonymous Organization Converts (my term) on her site. You can read some here. For more motivation, just click the links. She said of her own conversion, “I got organized because I had a child who required a calm home…if the house was chaotic so was he. Now years later we are ALL thriving in this environment. On a personal note, being organized has afforded me the time and the mental energy to do so much…I thank my son for that gift.”

I found the theme of thriving throughout my research, even in those not quoted here. Organization helps you feel calm, in control, empowered and able to accomplish both mundane tasks and complex projects faster and with less frustration. “It has a different name or meaning for each person,” Shannon said, “but at the end of the day it is happiness.”

Organization Procrastination

“I’m pretty organized — or I used to be. I feel like that part of my brain has atrophied.”
- Comedian Tina Fey

The woman who sits here is much cuter than the desk.

I’ve met this desk once before, years ago. I can hardly recognize it, now. I can hardly see it. This desk may spend more time with the person I love most than I do. This is my wife’s desk. Or, at least, this is the “before” picture. Coincidentally, she and I began discussing her organization needs while I wrote this piece. She agreed to share a bit of her story, complete with pictures. Suzanne would often feel “overwhelmed and distracted” while sitting at her desk, but felt like she needed to have “everything right in front of me” for fear of it being overlooked. I do a similar thing at my desk at the hospital. Though it’s one pile, not many, I hate that pile. We all do stuff like that, even though—on some level—we know it contributes to our stress and lowers our productivity.

In therapy we call the root of our impulse to do things which become damaging to ourselves a cognitive distortion. Stripped of all its clinical sparkle and applied to those of us will much less acute issues, it just simply means “wrong headed thinking.” We all suffer from wrong-headedness, especially me. Ask Suzanne.

What I like to do in therapy, to mitigate a cognitive distortion is engage in what I call a Disputation or Acknowledgement of the cause of the distortion. First you label the distortion, then you describe it, then you either dispute it and move on, or you acknowledge the core validity that has become twisted and you find a way to healthily address it.

This is surely not a complete list, and the core cause of the distortion may be more personal to you, but this will serve as a good example of the process. It’s hard to find one on this list that I haven’t at one time, had to look in the face and say “Really? What were you thinking?”

The Mole Hill Mountain – “I let it get too big.”
Acknowledgement:Yeah, maybe you did let it get bigger than it needed to be. However, the moment you start attacking your pile of disorder, the smaller it will become. You can outlast your clutter.

The Little Orphan Annie – “I’ll get organized tomorrow.”
Disputation: Tomorrow is too late. Continue Tomorrow, start today and you will feel better now.

The Time Twister – “I don’t even have time to get organized!”
Acknowledgement: Yes, part of the reason you’re disorganized is because it feels like you have no time. Bernstel and Windhaus dispute this one well; “…organizing life should be considered an opportunity for increased productivity and the related peace of mind associated with greater access to family, friends, and leisure time.” You will have more time, the more organized you are. Pick one small thing per day and stick to it.

The Wet Dish Towel – “I’m just too tired.”
Acknowledgement: Yes, you are tired. However, tiredness is a physical thing. You can solve that with a nap. A disorganized house, or desk that makes you tired is an emotional thing. It has you defeated. Fight back! Pick one battle and win that. Look at it every time you feel tired. Lisa Zaslow,  Founder and Organization and Productivity expert of Gotham Organizers encounters this issue all the time. She advises to “Start with an area in your home or office where you will see results quickly. I like to direct people to their kitchen junk drawers.”

The Monkey on Your Back – “But I may need this some day!”
Acknowledgement: Yes, you may. However, how much money are you saving keeping it, and how much stress is it causing seeing and storing it? One of Shannon’s Organization Converts testified that “When I purge [my old junk], I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders,” and it’s so true. Shannon herself acknowledged that “This is the hardest part for most people. To make the decision easier ask yourself when you are stuck on an item. ‘Is this part of my current life and is it useful or beautiful?’ Thinking of others who are less fortunate will help you to let go.” 

Now THAT's a clean desk!

The Self-Destroying Legacy – “I’ve just never been an organized person.”
Disputation: And John Glenn had never been an astronaut before he was. Organization isn’t a biological trait like green eyes. It’s a learned, practiced skill that even monkeys (well, some monkeys) can do. As a strong aside, any statement in which you tell yourself “I’ve just never been…” should be critically examined for validity, harvested for a kernel of change, then punched squarely in the face.

The Fire Extinguisher – “How Can I justify organizing when all this needs to be done?!” Suz and I both fall prey to this one often.
Acknowledgement: Yes, you do have important things to accomplish. However, you will accomplish more of them when you are organized, and you will have more confidence and concentration with which to attack.

There is Suzanne’s desk after some time spent organizing. See the file drawer proudly open to display files that will still be acted upon, but are now not weighing down her desk? She says she feels more at ease and together. That’s what it’s all about.

Organization Realization

 “I’m a clean freak. I get really excited when things are clean, and I love sorting stuff.
I love folding laundry in front of the television.”
- Actress Christina Ricci

“How you re-organize everything is incredibly personal,” according to Shannon. That is the main reason why I’m not spending much time on a “How to.” That, and the 221,000,000 articles returned when I googled “How to get organized.” Have fun searching and find one that fits. Here are two good plans of the many that I came across. There are some similarities, which is a common trait in organization plans.

Elaine Shannon’s Six Steps

1. The Dream – How do you envision your new dream space or system?
2. The Plan – What steps will you take to make the dream come true?
3. The Sort – Sort through everything, putting like with like, into categories.
4. The Purge – Deciding what to keep and what to let go of.
5. The Re-Organization – Put what you are keeping back, making sure everything has a home.
6. Maintenance – Keep it up.

Lisa Zaslow’s plan had the best tip for storing things. “Keep in mind your “prime real estate” which are the spaces most accessible to you—between your shoulders and knees—and store things where they are used.” I didn’t know that was where my prime real estate was, but it makes sense.

 Step 1: Commit to Organization
Step 2: De-clutter
Step 3: Group Like with Like
Step 4: Create a Place for Everything
Step 5: Maintain Organization

As Shannon put it, much like everything in life, “Organizing isn’t a one time project. It’s an evolving journey, one destination leading to the next.” So have fun getting to the destination with more serenity, confidence and increased ability to find the remote, your keys, your socks, your floor…

Wrong Numbers

by Keith Karabin

The air bag slapped my whole face simultaneously. Talc caked my sinuses and shimming blots filled my vision. Hacking, I fumbled for the door handle. I gasped fresh, stinging air.

It looked like a red Sport Utility Vehicle tried to swallow my four-cylinder errand mobile. The hood of the SUV twisted over the trunk of my car and the bumper was crammed under it. The trunk had crumpled around the flattened tires. Fluids seeped from the SUV as curses poured from the woman driving. She stabbed at her cell phone with long fuchsia finger nails.

I gasped and checked the back seat, but my violin was still strapped tight. I had less than an hour before the audition. Forget the car, I needed a ride. I swallowed my pride and called Mom.

“I was just rear-ended, and I’m not gonna make it to the audition.”

“Wow. Who’s this?” She didn’t sound like my mom.

“Sorry, wrong number.”

“S’ok. Sorry about your accident. Good luck with the audition thing.”

I squinted at my cell phone, made certain that I tapped my mom’s number and hit “call.”

“Me, again,” she said.

“That’s not right. This is my mom’s number.”

“Sorry, this is my cell.”

“Great. Sorry, again.”

I retyped the number which I had memorized in Kindergarten.

“Do you have head trauma?” She answered, brightly.

“Maybe. Crap. Bye.”

My phone rang as I stared at it.

“Hello.”

“Marco?” asked a Hispanic sounding woman.

“No.”

“But I call his phone.”

“Seems to be going around.”

“What?” she asked.

I hung up, sat on the curb and fretted. I tried 911.

“Chipotle Krishna, where curry meets cayenne. How can I help you?”

“So, you’re not the cops?” I asked.

“Why does everyone keep asking that?”

I hung up the useless device.

The lady waved her fuchsia nails at me and stuck much of her teased red hair out the window of her SUV. “Oh my God, right?!” She yelled.

“It’s just an accident. I’m okay. Are you?”

“No, the phones! Oh my God, right?” Her nails scrabbled at me, like a sea anemone in rough water, seeking to pull me close. I walked over.

“I was trying to call my sister, but I kept getting some law firm. What do I need a lawyer for? But it was my sister’s number. I kept trying and trying—then wham! Right into your car. Now maybe I need a lawyer. I don’t need a lawyer, do I?”

“Accidents happen.” I said, mostly just trying to stop her from talking so fast, or at all. My hopes of auditioning to the conservatory sunk further.

“What do you think it is? With the phones?”

I shrugged. “I’m gonna try a tow truck.”

“Bet it won’t work,” she said. “I’ll see if the radio knows what’s going on.”

I sat back on the curb, searched for a local tow company on the internet and tapped the number listed on the search engine.

“Yeah?” a man answered.

“Is this Jimmy’s Tow?”

“Look, if one more person tries this prank call crap on me, I’m gonna come through this phone, grab your ear and—”

I hung up, defeated.

I dialed the only number I knew. She answered cheerfully. I sighed.

“How’s it going out there?” she asked.

“I don’t even know. The lady who hit me is more concerned about the phones than about hitting me, I’m more concerned about my audition, and the only people I can reach want to punch me or sell me Mexican-Indian food.”

“Like the Aztecs?”

“I don’t think so. Like curry enchiladas.”

“Eew. What’s the deal about this audition?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“What else do I have to do? I can’t watch TV. The news is streaming useless panic, ‘Phones are weird, we don’t have a clue why.’”

“Nobody knows?”

“Eh. Some blame hacker groups like 4Chan or Anonymous.”

“I don’t know what those are.”

“Neither do they.”

Ms. Fuchsia Nails bellowed from the window of her SUV. “Oh. My. God. They say it was hackers! Terrorists or hackers! Or terrorist hackers!”

“She’s profoundly loud. So, the audition?” the girl asked.

I relented. “I’m not a trained musician, but I think I’m an okay violinist. I found this conservatory willing to give me an audition but then took two months to work up the guts. My appointment’s in about a half hour.”

“And…” she prodded.

“Listen, buddy,” Ms. Fuchsia Nails yelled at her phone, “I don’t care who you are. I’m at 16^th and Spruce and terrorist hackers are attacking America. If you’re a decent man you’ll come and get me! That’s what you get for answering the phone in a crisis!”

She had wrecked my car, but maybe she was right. Maybe I should ask this girl for a ride. She did sound cute. Who knows?

A digital squeal poked my ear drum and the phone disconnected. I hit my mom’s number, committed to asking her.

“Hello,” my mom answered.

“Mom? Oh. Crap!”

“‘Hello’ to you, too. What’s wrong?”

“Too much to tell! The thing with the phones, the car accident, the girl—”

“Car accident? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Mom. I’ll never make the audition, I’ve been talking to a cool girl who I’ll never meet now, and my car’s wrecked. Let me call you back.”

“What girl?” she asked as I hung up.

Ms. Fuchsia Nails took my hang up as the cue to shout “They fixed ‘em! God bless the government, right?!”

I cradled my face in my hands.

I was roused by the honk of a horn after a few moments.

“Need a lift?” asked a voice I knew. I stared at her and her car. “I told you she was profoundly loud.” The girl said, gesturing at Ms. Fuchsia Nails. “I heard her say the intersection before the phones cut out. Don’t you have an appointment?”

I grabbed the case and jumped in the car with a grateful grin. “So, what’s your number?” I asked.

It’s been two weeks and there hasn’t been profound interest in The Operation Habit Challenge despite the chance to try something life changing, and the motivation of a prize. That’s not too surprising, since I firmly believe that change is on a continuum and if you’re not at the point where you want to change right now, a nifty game and $25 won’t be the incentive you need.

However, there was feedback that the challenge was too complex. I get that. I had some concerns, myself. In the spirit of feedback and editing as well as second chances, I give you… 

…the NEW Operation Habit Challenge.

1)     Commit to a positive health habit by saying so in the comments below.
2)     Complete it for 32 days. It’s up to you if you want to do it in a row, or skip a day or two.
3)     Record your Pre-Mood and Post-Mood some how and send it to me.*

*Suggestions for recording your mood: Pick whichever method is simplest for you, or make one up.

A)    You can post each of the 32 repetitions here in the comment box below. It’s a great way to keep accountable and be cheered on.

B)    You can email me and I’ll send you a Microsoft Excel tracking chart which you can type your moods into or print out and hand write them. You would then need to email or snail mail them to me by the deadline.

C)    You can still track your Pre-Mood and Post Mood online using the #OperationHabit hashtag if you’d like. It’s a great way to gain motivation. Then just copy that into an MS Word document and email it to me.

D)    You can do something completely different as long as you track your pre-mood and post-mood in a verifiable way. Just email me to talk over your method.

You have until February 3rd to commit to the challenge and until March 16^th to get your data to me. The winner will be revealed on Friday, March 23^rd.

The point of the challenge is that you build something healthy for yourself, and that way everyone wins. We need to have at least two participants for it to be a challenge. If we can’t get two participants by February 3^rd then the challenge ends as a wash and I win the cash! Yay! No, boo. It is really my hope that we can get something going here.

And so I say game on!

I sat in the green plastic chair and tried not to think about the amount of weight that the scale just told me I had gained. Then the Weight Watchers group leader said “They say it takes 32 repetitions of a behavior to build a habit—I don’t know if it’s true, but that’s what they say.” I was struck by the idea of building a habit. I work so often with people who are trying to change behavior and I felt pretty foolish that I never conceptualized that as “building a good habit” in a simple, functional way. I began to gnaw at this idea.

I’ve been a member of Weight Watchers for a number of years—ever since I walked into a meeting to observe for school and found that it was run like group therapy. Not every leader runs one like that, but this leader says “If you want to talk about recipes for an hour; that’s fine. Find another class.”

I have no shame in admitting that I had been struggling for the weeks prior to December and was dreading the Holiday Fifteen Pounds that I had gained last year in that cookie laden stretch from Thanksgiving to Christmas Day. I had been making small changes, but those small changes would most surely be overwhelmed. I had been dithering around with the idea of exercise, but I hate exercise.

Then I struck on a notion borne of years my years as an addiction therapist. People who seek out a habit do so in a better mood than I surely do before I exercise and they have much more desire to complete the habitual behavior, even if they’re in a crappy mood. Could I build an exercise habit in which I actually sought out the vile practice?

I looked for studies. There were no studies. So, I did my own, and dubbed it “Operation Habit” with the Twitter hashtag #OperationHabit.

The Practice

The practice itself was essentially simple. I set out to exercise five out of seven days of the week (unheard of!) following a series of DVDs that I had bought many years ago. I dusted them off, like Indy a tomb and used Twitter and Facebook to track my mood before and after each session of exercise.

It looked like this entry from December 18^th:

#OperationHabit 17: Pre-Mood: Weary. Post-Mood: energized.

Simple, right?

The hypothesis was just as simple: Could you build a habit in 32 repetitions of a behavior as identified by an increase in mood prior to the behavior, in contemplation of fulfilling the behavior.

To put it another way: Could I show myself that I was building a habit because the idea of doing the habitual thing would grow to appeal to me more.

The Findings

 Let’s break out some charts for y’all.

This is the chart of the “Pre-Mood” ratings. As you could see in the sample tweet, I wasn’t totally scientific in my recording; I was more seeing it as a diary entry. So once I recorded all my moods, I needed to scale them. Using my mysterious powers of psychotherapy, I came up with a one to five system.

5 = Very Positive
4 = Positive
3 = Neutral
2 = Negative
1 = Very Negative

In my life, before committing to this study, I most often hovered around the negative or very negative range. As the study progressed, I found this no longer to be true.

This is the chart of the “Post-Mood” ratings, on the same one to five scale.

As the study focused more on the “Pre-Mood” changes, the Post-Mood ranking was offered as a comparison. I’m sure I can pull more interesting data about how the two moods flux in relation to each other, but that’s not for today. Interestingly, the mood started on “Positive” and ended on “Positive.”

Some other interesting trends are revealed by the data. 

• - Though there were peaks and valleys, the study noted a 2 point increase from “Negative” to “Positive” pre-mood.
• - 18 of the repetitions noted pre-moods that were “Positive” or higher, with no “Negative” moods listed past repetition 14.
• - The majority of pre-moods for repetitions 16-32 were noted as “Positive” or higher.
• - Most of the “Negative” pre-moods had an external trigger, or were a response to emotional stimuli outside the exercises itself. (You can find a tweet or a post about a certain night of “Baby Bedlam” and many work week days listed “weary” which had to do with general work day exhaustion.)
• - In comparison of the “Pre-Mood” chart and the “Post-Mood” chart, it is interesting that there is an extreme low, right at the mid point, followed by extreme highs. This is where I would have given up, in the past. I think this is where many of us give up. The novelty had worn off and I wasn’t charged up. I changed my work out, changed intensity when I needed to and sometimes pushed myself harder. I found I needed a challenge to get my “Post-Mood” back up.

In conclusion, there might really be something to this. But, to find out for sure I need your help.

The Challenge

Now it’s your turn. I cannot say I offered you inconclusive proof that you can build a positive health habit in 32 repetitions. I will stand by the personal evidence that it is highly possible. But more data would be crucial to this determination. I’d enjoy having that data, but I’m hungry to help people feel like they can change like I feel that I have changed. If you’ve struggled keeping any positive health habit, you know how defeatist it can feel.

Here’s the deal.

1)     Pick a positive health habit which you’ve always known you needed or have not succeeded with in the past. Commit to it here, in the comments so that we know who the competitors are.

2)     Complete 32 repetitions of that behavior. It’s up to you if you want to do it once every day, or skip a day or two.

3)     Record your Pre-Mood and Post-Mood online using the one to five scale above. Use the hashtage #OperationHabit, if you can, or just note it as your system allows. Make a copy of your record in an MS Word document.

4)     You have until January 20^th to commit to the challenge. Email me the MS Word document and a link to the online profile which you used to track the data on March 9^th (7 weeks in between).

See that gift card? It’s for $25, and it’s real. I smudged out the numbers myself. It’s what the winner will receive. Your MS Word document and profile link which proves you completed the challenge is your entry into a random drawing for twenty-five smackers. The winner will be revealed on Friday, March 16^th. But it’s my hope that everyone will win a new habit.

Game on!